As It Fell Apart
by runthroughthestars
Summary: Allen's been hiding a secret, when he is caught will all be for naught? Or will the new ones, ones that even he had forgotten about, push everything else aside? Terrible summary...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I was bored and I decided that, even though I was almost done with chapter 14 for Mansion of Secrets, I have read too much -Man recently. So instead of typing up a Spanish review sheet and studying for my Latin test, I started writing this. (I'll regret it when I fail, but that can wait until tomorrow… -.-;;) I hope you enjoy it! Please R&R!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own -Man!

* * *

**As It Fell Apart**

* * *

It is ironic how things can change so quickly. For example, now, as I go over the information for the next mission as I ride the train, I gaze out onto the Austrian Alps, the recently fallen snow glistening in the sun. Just an hour before I had been wrapped in a blanket so as to keep warm as the hail beat against the glass and the wind forced its way through the smallest cracks, freezing the train's engines and forcing the train to stop. And here we were, once again moving through the Alps as the snow shone the colors of the rainbow, as if trying to apologize for its earlier behavior.

"Beansprout-chan? Earth to Beansprount-chan!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry about that Lavi. What were you asking?" I asked, plastering a big smile onto my face.

"I was just making sure that you understood what we were going to do."

"It doesn't matter; he always messes up anyways."

"What was that?" I asked through gritted teeth as I turned the focus of my gaze to a certain asshole sitting across from me.

"I said-"

"Yu-chan said that it's time for us to get off," Lavi quickly interrupted as the train pulled up to their station.

Kanda glared at the red head before standing up and marching out of the cabin just as the train pulled to a stop.

"Come on Allen-kun," Lavi said as he pulled me out of the cabin, "I want to see what the town looks like in all of the snow."

I gasped at the sight before me, for never before had I seen anything like it.

Icicles hung off the buildings like gems hanging off a necklace. The air was full of cheerfulness and vivacity as the townspeople wandered through the streets in their winter outfits, occasionally stopping to share a laugh with a neighbor before quickly heading off to finish what they had gone outside to do.

Behind the town stood the mountains, tall regal beauties that glistened like diamonds as the sun's rays bounced off the powder. The slightly ragged peaks were defiant but youthful, giving the feeling of protection from outside invaders, one mountain blending into another like a chain that would never break.

"Where did Kanda go?" I asked, suddenly realizing that the iceberg was not within sight.

"He went off to contact headquarters and tell them that we are here. He said he would meet us at the hotel. Let's go!" he informed me before once again grabbing my arm and dragging me through the streets.

* * *

I sighed with pleasure as water cascaded down onto my body from the showerhead above me. I stood like that for a while before reaching around for the knot and beginning to untie the bandages that held my chest down. I took in my first deep breath for a couple of days and let it out as I massaged my sore chest, smiling slightly as a memory fluttered through my mind.

Every since I had been abandoned by my family and left on the streets of this sexist world, I began to learn how to act like a boy. I found it easier in many ways. The gangs of orphans left me alone more often than not, and if they did not, they never came back again once I kicked their butts. It was also easier for a boy urchin to blend in with the crowds than a girl urchin.

But it was not the memories of those days that made me smile, it was the memory of when Cross found out I was a girl.

One morning I had woken up and realized, as I was straightening my room so that I could do my morning exercises, that there was blood on my sheets. I quickly ran to the bathroom and washed it out before deciding to take a shower since I was there already. It was then that I realized that my pants also had blood on them. I quickly changed and washed the blood out of those as well. An hour later I excused myself from breakfast and ran to the bathroom. And, well, there was more blood. After three hours Cross finally asked me what was wrong and I told him that blood kept appearing on my pants.

"Are you injured anywhere?" Cross asked me.

I shook my head no.

"Well, unless you're a-"

I squirmed under his intense glare and backed up into the wall as he approached me with a hammer in his hand.

"Baka apprentice," was all he said before he hit me on the head and dragged me off to have a 'womanly conversation' with his current lover.

I chuckled at the memory and continued to wash myself. Just as I was about to turn off the water, I heard a knock on the door and Lavi say, "Allen-kun? I'm coming in."

I gasped and quickly turned to face the wall of the shower so that if Lavi _could_ see anything through the shower curtain, it was not my female traits.

"You could've given more of a heads-up," I growled as Lavi walked into the room whistling.

"Well," Lavi said as he rummaged among the pile of stuff on the sink, "I figured that we were since boys there was nothing to hide. Ah! Found it!" he said happily before walking out of the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

I sighed and slid down the shower wall, taking deep breathes so as to calm my racing heart.

"Nothing to hide, yeah right," I muttered as I cradled my head with my hands and the water beat down on my body. "There's way too much to hide."

* * *

"Ne, Lavi?" I asked the redhead.

"Hm?"

"Why does it always end up like this?"

The charm that had been in the town was now gone as a mother mourned the death of her teenage son. Her cries echoed throughout the city and in my head as the villagers got her to quiet down and go back to her house, the clothes of her son gripped tightly in her strong hands.

"Why does someone always die?"

"Someone doesn't die every time Allen-kun," Lavi replied, his voice soft and aloof as he watched the villagers started to clean up the man's ashes.

"But the Akuma are always dead, and that's two for the price of one."

"Allen-kun, you can only save so many peo-"

"Let the Beansprout drown in his misery," a cold voice grumbled from behind him and Lavi glanced up quickly to see Kanda hovering over us as he placed Mugen back in its sheath "We still have to find the innocence."

I glanced up at Lavi and gave him a reassuring look before the two men walked off in search of the innocence.

"Lavi, can I call you onii-san?" I asked suddenly.

Kanda gave me a weird look as Lavi put a hand to his ear and said, "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

"No, it's okay," I shouted back. "It was nothing important. He smiled back at me before turning around and slinging an arm around Kanda which caused Kanda to yell at him.

"It's nothing important."

* * *

It was midnight as I finished taking a cold shower and getting dressed; rain pattering softly against the windows. Lavi and Kanda had not come back yet and the hotel was empty, us being the only guests at the moment and the manager on duty had gone out to spend the night with his frightened family.

I walked down the stairs and into the lobby where, if I remembered correctly, there was a piano. The steps creaked as I made my way down them, causing a shiver to run down my spine as it echoed throughout the empty house. When I reached the first floor, I snuck through the rooms until I found the parlor.

I opened the piano and ran my hand over the keys, feeling the cool ivory under my skin calmed me down. I sat down and slowly ran my hands over the keys one more time before I started to play.

As soon as the music started to pour out, I lost my self to the gentle melody, feeling calm inside. As it became more staccato and the trills appeared more often I felt full of energy and – resentment? Resentment towards what? It did not matter anymore for the feeling quickly turned into anger towards the Millennium Earl and the Noahs, for manipulating peoples' hearts and causing them to fight against each other. As the music became more tense it reminded me of the final battle that I new was coming soon, the battle that everyone was waiting for but dreading. As the tension was released and it became slower I was reminded that I had to think of now, that the future was still to far away.

And then it stopped.

"Now's not the time to be playing music, Beansprout."

I gasped and turned around to find Kanda leaning against the doorframe.

"Well sorry if I was told to 'drown in misery' while you guys went out to search for the innocence," I retorted as I stood up and gently closed the lid to the piano.

"Hn."

"So what did you come here for?"

"To see if you were asleep, and if you weren't to get you to start searching the mountains."

"Hai, hai. I got it I'm going," I grumbled as Kanda glared at me until he was sure that I was walking back to the room to get my stuff.

"Besides," I heard him say as I was going up the stairs, "if you worry too much in this job you'll go insane."

* * *

"So… cold…."

I was soaking wet and shivering. When I was halfway up one of the mountains, it started to hail. So, not only did I immediately become freezing cold, the hail got inside my coat and melted before freezing up again when it got colder.

And thus is the reason why I am currently suffering from hypothermia while wandering through a cave.

My head began to swim and my knees collapsed underneath me. I crawled over to a wall and leaned against it, curling up into fetal position and wrapping my jacket more tightly around so as to preserve heat.

By the time the footsteps registered in my head, someone had wrapped a blanket around me and picked me up.

"You shouldn't change with the curtains drawn, otherwise people might find out who you are, Adela Carlisle."

I opened my eyes in shock and saw Tyki smiling down at me. I tried to thrash around so as to get him to drop me, but he sent a field of dark energy into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. I groaned and lay still, trying to catch my breath.

"That's better," he said. "You see, we can't loose you just yet. Road, would you mind?"

"Let's have some fun, Adela-chan," Road sang as she appeared above me holding onto the Millennium's umbrella.

* * *

"What's that?" Lavi asked Kanda shading his eyes against the glare of the spotlight that had just lit up the mountainside.

"A cross."

"I know but what's on it?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Kanda grumbled. He turned around to go back to the hotel when Lavi grabbed his arm.

"That's Allen-kun! Come one!"

Kanda sighed as he followed the redhead towards the mountain. What trouble had the Beansprout gotten into this time?

* * *

"See! You look good in a dress, Adela-chan!" Road giggled as she flew around the semi-conscious girl. "Isn't that right, Tyki?"

"Yes, Road," Tyki consented as he appeared beside her. "Now would you mind waking her up? The avalanche is about to come crashing down."

"Why can't we just take her innocence now?" Road inquired as her world started to disappear around her.

"Because, it is not in the Earl's script. Besides," he added as he smiled at her, "what's so bad about having a little fun?"

* * *

"When we go by her, grab her and make sure she doesn't fall!" Lavi ordered Kanda as his hammer continued to grow as they tried to beat the avalanche on its race down the mountain.

Kanda grumbled and prepared to grab Allen when he realized something.

"He's _tied_ to the bloody cross!" Kanda cursed as they got closer… and closer...

"Then grab the cross too you moron!"

And so he did.

As the avalanche continued to pass them, Lavi redirected his hammer so that it went back towards the town as Kanda untied the naked body from the cross. It was only then that he realized...

"Uh, Lavi?"

"What?!"

"Are you sure this is Allen?"

"What do you mean 'is this Allen?' Look at his eye!"

"Yes, I know but..."

"But what?" Lavi asked in an annoyed tone.

"He's well… he's a girl."

Lavi remained silent as they landed in the center of the town. Finally he turned around and said, "Take her to the hotel and keep her alive. I'm getting help."

Kanda sighed in annoyance as the redhead ran off, standing there until he felt the small body in his arms shake violently. He cursed and slid off his coat, wrapping it around the young teen before picking her up again and running to the hotel.

He laid her down on the bed and sighed when he realized that she would freeze to death if he did not offer her his body heat. Reluctantly he wrapped her body with the sheet before sliding under the blanket with her and pulling her shivering frame close to his bare chest.

"S-so cold…."

"Shh," he said rubbing her hair with a tenderness he didn't know he had. "Help's coming."

"Ka-kanda?"

"Shh. Onii-san will be here soon."

He listened as her breathing evened out as she slid into a deep sleep, constantly stroking her hair until he heard footsteps running down the hall.

* * *

**A/N: **I got the idea for Allen to be a girl when I read _Real Smile_ by Lady Indecisive. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!

**R&R! ^.^**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Srry it took so long to finally continue, but I've been in England amd Costa Rica for the past month and a half. Anyways, for all of you who asked that I turn this oneshot into a multi-chapter story… here you go!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own -Man!

* * *

**As It Fell Apart**

* * *

"How is he- I mean she doing?" Lavi asked the doctor as he came out of the bedroom.

"She has some frostbite but it's not that serious. Just be sure to put this lotion on the raw skin and keep her warm for the next couple of days. You shouldn't plan to travel for a while either."

"Thank you so much!" Lavi said in a relieved voice as the doctor walked out of the hotel.

Kanda watched Lavi as he sighed and sat down in one of the armchairs near the front door. Lavi put his head in his hands and leaned forward. There was a pregnant pause between the two of them as the sun rose over the horizon and shone its golden rays through the window. A phantom melody from the piece Allen had played before repeated softly in Kanda's head, distracting him from the present.

However, Kanda was easily brought back to the present as Lavi stirred in his chair. Eventually Lavi looked up and said, "I knew Allen was hiding something, but I never would have guessed that it was something this big."

"Hn."

"I don't know what to do," Lavi finally confessed to his friend. "I don't know whether or not to tell headquarters about her true gender or not. Although," Lavi said a small smile crossing his face, "I must say that the sight of Allen-kun in a skirt is scary."

Kanda could not help it as a shiver ran through his body at the image that popped up in his head…. Disgusting.

Lavi sighed yet again and stared out the window towards the rising sun. "I don't know what to do."

"Let her call you onii-san."

"What?"

This time it was Kanda who sighed since he was not in the mood to give the long explanation. "Remember how the other day when we had just defeated the akuma and Allen had asked you a question, but you had not understood her and she told you to forget about it?" Lavi gave a small nod. "She had asked you if she could call you onii-san."

Lavi remained silent for a while before finally saying, "I can't do that due to my duty as the future Bookman. Personal relationships are not allowed."

Kanda slammed his hand against the wall with such force that Lavi jumped in his seat and stared at Kanda with one wide eye. "God damn you being the future bookman! Don't you realize that you're part of history! _Are you really that daft_?!" All the anger that Kanda had felt against Lavi over all of these years, all the annoyance Kanda had felt towards the Bookman for limiting what Lavi could do came out now. The way that Lavi had held all of his feelings inside because his feelings would bias his recordings of the past, present, and future. The way that Lavi felt free to analyze other peoples' feelings 'for the purpose of recording history' while sharing none of his own. These things had annoyed Kanda to no end, and he let all of his frustration out in this moment. "Why do you of all people refuse to offer the beansprout support by just letting her call you 'onii-san' because you fear to get close to her?!" He was right in front of Lavi now. Towering over the Bookman's apprentice and noticing the emptiness in his eyes only made Kanda angrier. He grabbed Lavi's collar, and pulling the limp boy's body out of the chair shouted, "You're not the Bookman yet. You're a part of history too. You're an exorcist yourself at the moment. Didn't you become an exorcist in order to help people? So why can't you help the beansprout now? Do what your heart tells you is right."

Kanda gave Lavi one more fierce look before tossing him back in the chair and storming out of the hotel. He'd call headquarters and tell them that the boy Allen Walker had been suffering from a fever and frostbite and that they were not sure when they would be able to return.

* * *

Kanda shifted his position on the windowsill as he thought about the events of that morning. After his unusual outburst, Kanda had gone outside and calmed himself down before calling HQ and giving his report. He had hung up as quickly as possible and walked back into the hotel, informing Lavi as he walked past him that he had already made the report. Lavi had only nodded before going upstairs to keep and eye on Allen.

Kanda looked up at the moon behind the mountain top and let his mind wander to the topic of Allen's true identity. He was surprised to realize that he was not surprised that Allen was a girl. The beansprout had always been short, and thin, and too feminine looking to be a man. Not to mention too innocent and compassionate.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the sounds of thrashing and a muffled scream coming from his left. He sat there, stunned as he watched Allen writhe and scream on her bed, clawing at her body like a wild animal.

He jumped off the windowsill and pinned her arms down jst as a frantic Lavi came running through the door.

And then she stopped.

Lavi watched as Kanda's face quickly changed from worried to calm and slightly puzzled before approaching the bed. "What happened?"

"I don't know. She just suddenly started screaming and clawing at herself."

"I've made up my mind," Lavi finally said in order the break the layer of ice that he could feel between the two of them. "I've decided that I will let her call me onii-san. Although, I will only permit when either only when you or no one else is there."

Lavi thought he saw Kanda's shoulders relax slightly as Kanda turned to look at Lavi. "You do care about her, don't you?" Lavi suddenly blurted out.

Suddenly the room was dead silent. Lavi could feel the sweat trickling down his back as Kanda's hand slowly made it's way towards Mugen and Kanda's eyes pierced through Lavi.

"Just kidding! Just kidding!" Lavi exclaimed as he took a step back, laughing nervously as he scratched the top of his head with one hand and held the other one out in front of him as a shield.

Lavi let out a big sigh of relief as Kanda stalked out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him. Lavi sat down on the bed near Allen and smiled.

_Everything would be okay_.

* * *

_Tainted_.

The word echoed throughout the black space that surrounded her in all directions, coming back at her from unseen walls.

_Tainted_.

And she knew that the speaker meant in more than one way. She was a monster, she was cursed… she was a murderer.

_Tainted_.

"Do you like the darkness?"

Allen started when she heard the voice. It was cheerful, condescending, and emotionless at the same time. But most of all, she felt like it came from right behind her, but she knew that no one was there. A shiver went down her spine.

"Do you like being tainted?"

_Tainted_.

The word echoed throughout the room again as if to spite her.

"Do you like it, Adela Carlisle?"

"No…" she finally replied in a weak voice as she crouched up into a ball. "No…"

"But surely you must like it," the voice said in a confused tone. "After all, you are a monster."

"I'm not a monster!" she shouted. She covered her ears with her hands but the voice came through just as loudly as before. "Then why did your brother leave you? Why did dear onii-san leave you all alone on the filthy London streets?"

"But I found onii-san again, and he hasn't rejected me!" she said in an desperate tone, trying to convince herself that she was right.

"But he didn't recognize you when he first saw you, did he? Can't say I blame him. After all, who would want to recognize a monster?"

_Tainted_.

She started to cry, tears trickling down her cheeks as she clutched her body even tighter. But despite her obvious pain, the voice continued on.

"And then the one whom you called father cursed you. He must not have loved you very much if he cursed you."

"Mana loved me very much," she insisted. "And the curse helps me protect the humans; it allows me to see the akuma before they transform."

"But it hurts you, does it not?" the voice asked in mock concern. "It pains you to see the tormented souls of the akuma. It pains you to know that one more person has fallen to the Earl's trick."

"Stop it." She was sobbing now, tears constantly running down her face as her arms began to bruise from the tight grip she had on them. "Please, stop it."

"And then what about poor Oliver Bates?"

"No… no…"

"You murdered him."

_Tainted_.

"I didn't murder him… I didn't murder him!" Her fingers were white now as her nails broke her skin and blood trickled out.

"You watched him become an akuma."

She was shaking her head furiously now, her hands slipping down her arms because they were sweating so much, causing long, bloody scratches to appear.

"You didn't stop him."

"Stop it!"

_Tainted_.

"You're soul is black and foul. You let him die. You're a murder."

"Stop it!" she screamed, grabbing at her hair.

_Tainted_…

_Dirty_.

She clawed at her skin as if trying to get rid of layers of dirt. But it only caused her to become dirtier as the blood flowed out and covered her skin.

"How can you live with yourself? How can you possible think that you are capable of saving the human race?"

"Stop it!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, clawing at her head as if that would get the voice out of her head.

"You're _tainted_."

"Stop it! Go away! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Are you sure? A monster like you doesn't get much company."

"I said, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"As you wish," the voice said.

And then all was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own -Man!

* * *

**As It Fell Apart**

* * *

I groaned and opened my eyes. It did not take me long to realize that I was back at the hotel we were staying in and not in the cave on the mountain with Tyki and Road. I slowly sat up and shivered when the blankets fell down, wrapping my arms around my chest, feeling relief as my limbs made contact with my warm torso. Wait…

Now I was wide awake, patting my torso and frantically looking behind me on the bed for the bandages that I used to bind my chest in case they had come undone and had fallen off during my sleep. I jumped when I heard the door open and quickly pulled the blankets up to my chest.

"Oh! You're finally awake!" Lavi said as he turned his head in my direction. "I'll go get you something to eat then," he said as he quickly went back the way he had come. I could hear him shouting something to Kanda as he made his way downstairs to the kitchen. As soon I was sure that I was out of hearing range, I wrapped myself in my blanket and got up and go get changed so that they would not realize that I was girl. I was assuming that the reason I had bandages on my arms and legs and not my chest was that they had called a doctor over to treat my frostbite. After I had taken a couple of steps over towards my drawer, the door opened and Kanda walked in.

"Get out of my room!" I yelled at him. "I'm about to get changed."

"Che, women."

"What did you say?" I must have heard him incorrectly. There could not know… they could not!

"I said women," Kanda said as he turned around to face me instead of continuing to walk out of the room.

"What do you mean?" I asked him, a fake smile plastered on my face.

"I mean that you and the rest of the female sex are always grumpy when it comes to having men in their rooms."

"Why are you associating me with women?" I asked in the best annoyed tone that I could muster under the circumstances.

"Because you are one, or is this the second time that I have been mistaken about your gender?"

At that moment, Lavi walked through the door with a tray of food in his hands. "Here you go! Oi, what's wrong?" he asked when he saw me.

I must have looked pretty bad because he quickly handed the tray off to Kanda and ran to my side. I quickly sat down on my bed for fear that my legs would give out on me. How could they know? After all these years of hard work…

"Don't worry, we didn't tell anyone else." Lavi's words had somehow reached me in my panicked state and I looked up to find him kneeling in front of me with a smile on his face. "It's okay to cry," he added after a moment's pause.

Eventually I could no longer stand the burning in my throat and eyes and let the tears come. I was aware of Lavi sitting down on the bed next to me and pulling me into a hug, allowing me to lean my head on his shoulder, soaking his shirt as he whispered comforting words to me. I was also aware of Kanda making his hallmark "che" before leaving the room and closing the door so that he would not have to hear my sobs downstairs.

"I don't want to say that I know exactly how you're feeling," Lavi said as he rubbed my back in a soothing, circular motion, "but I know what it is like to keep your identity hidden from everyone. Ever since I became the Bookman's apprentice, I have never been called by my real name. It has been so long that I can't remember it anymore. It's rather sad isn't it, that I can remember all these minutiae of the world's history and yet I do not even know my own name? I spend nights trying to remember who I was, whether or not I had any siblings, if my father and mother loved me, if I had any friends... But I do know that if someone ever found out who I really was, I would feel like I had betrayed the old geezer. I would feel like I had betrayed all the bookmen that came before him, and that feeling of guilt I would not be able to handle."

At this point I had stopped sobbing, and just sat there with my head on his chest, looking up at his mature face, his gaze was focused somewhere far in the distance. The look in his eye and the emotions in his voice were too complicated for me to understand. But I did know that the tears flowing down my cheeks were no longer for me. Instead they were for him.

"So in some ways I can say I understand how you feel. The sense of not knowing exactly who you are, the sense of needing to keep all things personal a secret, and the sense of betrayal that you are feeling right now."

At this point he turned his gaze towards me and smiled. It was so bright and pure and accepting that I could only begin to cry even harder as I hugged him tightly. "Adela."

"Huh? What did you say?"

"My name…" I started to say before I yawned. Either I still was not strong enough or the crying had really gotten to me because I felt really tired.

"What about your name?" Lavi asked in a confused voice.

"My real name, the name that my parents gave me, is Adela. Adela Carlisle."

And then I fell into the world of dreams. But this time instead of being surrounded by darkness, I was surrounded by light.

* * *

'_Carlisle… Carlisle…. Why do I feel like I've heard that name before?_'

The red head was sitting at a table in the dining room, his pen continuously tapping as he stared at a blank piece of parchment. He was trying to remember all the information he knew about the Carlisle family but nothing came to mind. He felt like he was trying to pick up an item at the bottom of a well with a bucket, but the string was a centimeter too short to reach the bottom. The only thing he knew right now was that Carlisle was an English name.

Deciding that he would go insane if he stared at this blank piece of paper anymore, Lavi crumpled up the piece of paper into the garbage can next to the door. He groaned and rested his head in the palms of his hands. All of this thinking had given him a headache, something which had never happened before. Maybe it was because this topic was something that his mind did not want him to remember. Maybe all the information he knew about the Carlisle family come from his past, before he became Panda's apprentice. Maybe-!

But that train of thought quickly came to a halt as his headache got worse and the throbbing became unbearable. Lavi applied pressure to his forehead with the heel of his palm to help lessen the headache as he made his way over to the window seat. It felt like it had taken hours just to travel the fifty foot distance from where he had been sitting to the window seat which normally could be accomplished in less than a minute. However, as he laid his throbbing head against the cool glass of the window he knew that the trip had been worth it, for as soon as head had touched the glass, the cold had begun to numb his forehead and drive the pain away. And so he decided to sit there until the pain had disappeared completely.

Only to be woken up by a scream.

Lavi's body was on autopilot as he jumped up and ran out the door. He stopped out on the doorstep, trying to remember which way the voice had come from when another scream hit his ears. He immediately took off, not knowing exactly where he was going but knowing that he was going in the right direction.

He turned around a corner and came to a halt. His breathing was harsh and his felt like it was being mercilessly attacked by hordes of akuma. But he heard another scream and crying, and took off in that direction, not paying any attention to the pain he was in.

He slowed down when he felt Kanda's presence and knew that he was dealing with the akuma from the sounds of a battle that were coming in his direction. He continued to walk on slowly, his head against the cool stones that were the foundations for the houses in this small town. Step by step the throbbing slowly went away, and Lavi soon found himself on the outskirts of town.

He watched for a while from the shadows. Even though he knew that Kanda was having trouble with the Level 2, even though he knew that Kanda was losing, Lavi could not get his feet to move.

'_What's wrong with me? Why do I have this headache? Why isn't my body listening to my brain? Who are the Carlisle?_'

"So you want to know about the Carlisle, do you?" came a voice from the darkest corners of the street. It was both masculine and feminine, caring and condescending, warm and cold.

'_Who are you?_' he thought. He could not get his lips to move. He just stood there, almost lifeless as his dull eyes blankly searched the shadows for the owner of the voice. But apparently the voice was capable of reading his thoughts, for it replied, "Me? You don't need to know who I am. But aren't you curious as to why you are in this state? Why you can't think properly, move properly?"

'_Do you know?_'

"Of course I know, you idiot." For a moment the he had only heard anger in the voice, but it was soon back to normal, if it could be called normal to begin with. "It's the Bookman's curse. That old Panda that you feel so affectionate about is the one who made you like this. You were betrayed."

'_What do you mean?! What are you talking about?_'

He got no reply. But as the wind blew through the cobble stoned streets that one word would not stop repeating in his mind.

_Betrayed…_

_Betrayed…._

_Betrayed…_

_Betr-_

Lavi jumped as he heard a little girl's scream and the loud crack that Kanda's body made as he was thrown against a nearby building and fell to the ground unconscious. Once again his body acted on his own accord as he ran out of the alleyway and destroyed the akuma before it even knew that he was there. He glanced over at Kanda to make sure he was still alive before running over to the little girl to make sure that she was unharmed.

"Are you all right?" he asked her, crouching down so that they were at eye-level with one another.

She gave a tentative nod before running away from him and down one of the streets, screaming for her mom to save her from the monster and weird humans.

A groan from behind him caught Lavi's attention and he turned around to see Kanda slowly standing up from his position on the filthy street.

"Let's get out of here."

"Huh?" Kanda asked, looking at his friend in surprise (although no one but him would have known,) as he dusted off his outfit and put Mugen back in its sheath.

"Let's go home," Lavi said as he turned towards the west where home was. "I need to go home."

That one word continued to echo in his head.

_Betrayed…_

_Betrayed…_

_Betrayed…_

* * *

**A/N:** You should all thank zenbon zakura because without her (I'm guessing here) I probably would've finished my history essay instead and you all wouldn't have been reading this until Thanksgiving. So a round of applause for zebon zakura!

*cheers* *whistles* *screams*

Lol =D Anyway, don't expect anything before thanksgiving because Nightingale gives us a shitload of homework and our next break isn't until then.

So I hope you guys have a happy three weeks, and until then goodbye!

^.^


	4. Chapter 4

**As It Fell Apart**

* * *

Lavi opened the door to their private compartment and quickly slipped inside so that he would not have to deal with yet another old woman who had lost her purse, or a little girl who had lost her cat, or a young lady whose baby had managed to disappear even though she had only been gone for a minute. He sagged against the door and let out a sigh of exhaustion. He slowly glanced over to his right and caught sight of the sleeping Allen. He glanced over to his left and made eye contact with Kanda. To his unasked question he only got a slight shake of the head.

The sound of static suddenly came from Kanda's golem, causing the two boys to glance over in its direction. Allen, on the other hand, continued to sleep, oblivious to what was going on around her. It did not take long before Komui's voice came out of the flying black piece of metal.

"Where are you guys now?" asked Komui in his overly cheerful voice.

"We've just gotten on the train," Lavi answered. He sat down next to Kanda so as to be able to hear what Komui was saying more easily.

"I see…" Komui replied thoughtfully. There was a brief moment of silence as the two exorcists patiently waited for the Head of the Science Department to continue. "And how is Allen-kun doing?"

"Still sleeping, although he did wake up for a couple of minutes yesterday," Kanda replied, noticing the depressed look on Lavi's face.

After a minute, the line was still silent, so Kanda decided to study the girl that was in his direct line of sight. The beansprout always got in his way, ever since the mission they had in Martel. She always managed to say something that would seriously piss him off. Not to mention that she was way too emotional for the job and way too short… although, the fact that she is actually a girl explains that part, but that does not mean that he will stop calling her moyashi, especially since he and Lavi are the only one who know her true gender. But after that little episode last night, he could not help but worry about her, which was another problem. Kanda never worried about _anyone_, not even the red-head. He must be worried about how this new mental development will only bother him more in the future. Yes, that must be it!

The static came back, rousing Kanda from his thoughts. "Well then," Komui said, "when you arrive back at headquarters, would you mind bringing Allen-kun to his room? Oh, Lavi, please come to my office immediately. I have another mission for you. Bye bye!"

"Oi!" Kanda growled, but it was too late, the connection was gone.

"Well, Yu-chan," Lavi said happily, a smile on his face as he patted Kanda on the back, "have fun babysitting!"

Lavi quickly jumped away as Kanda unsheathed Mugen and swung it in his direction. Lavi ducked under another swing as he opened the door to the compartment and ran down the hallway. After he made it to the next compartment, he slowed down to a walk. He stopped completely when he felt something pulling on his pants.

"Onii-san," said the little girl at his feet, "can you help me find my necklace?"

Lavi looked at the little girl's puppy eyes and groaned. '_Here we go again._'

* * *

"_Honey, what shall we do? Your brother is here!"_

"_He's bound to want to see her, but we cannot let his Majesty see such an ugly sight."_

"_What shall we do? What shall we do?"_

"Stop! I don't want to see this! I don't want to see this!"

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Adela, dear," said that damn voice that had been haunting my mind ever since I ran into the Noah. "You see, you have to truly understand how much of a monster you are."

"_Johnathen! How are you?"_

"_I'm doing very well, your Majesty. Sorry for making you wait so long."_

"_No problem! No problem! I can hardly blame you since it was such a sudden visit, and it is always a pleasure to visit my brother and his lovely family! Speaking of which, where are the children?"_

"_Philip and Charles are off visiting Lord Byron's son."_

"_That's a shame. And what about your daughter? I haven't see Adela since she was still wrapped in her swaddling clothes. After that, Marianna suddenly took Adela with her to visit her family, and they have only just returned after four years! I wish to see her very much."_

"Stop it! Please! I beg you!"

"_I… I regret to say that you cannot see her, your Majesty."_

"_Oh? How so?"_

"Stop it!"

"_Well, you see, your Majesty, she was killed by this urchin boy here. His name is Allen."_

"STOP IT!"

And everything went black.

* * *

'_So heavy!'_

"Well then, see you later, Yu-chan!"

"You can at least help me carry him until we get to the floor his room's on, can't you?"

"No can do, Yu-chan! I have to go see Komui-san now!"

"You're so dead."

And Lavi quickly made his retreat by running up the stairs and away from the murderous glare that Kanda was giving him.

Kanda sighed and started making his way up the many flights of steps of stairs that lead to the floor on which Allen's room was located. Luckily for Kanda, he knew exactly where he was going (unlike a certain someone) so it should not take him that long to get there. Kanda was about to reach the first floor when Allen whimpered and wrapped her arms tightly around Kanda's neck, wiggling herself closer to him in the process. Kanda froze in shock, but was quickly back in action as he turned to glare at the giggling finder who promptly started running down the stairs, making Kanda feel somewhat better.

However the triumphant feeling did not last long as wherever Kanda went, there was always someone to laugh at him. He even found a finder in the secret staircase that he and Lavi had found when they were younger and where he had never seen anyone before now. Allen was definitely the source of all of his bad luck.

When he finally reached the moyashi's bedroom, he dumped her unceremoniously onto the bed, plopping himself down in a nearby chair as he let out a sigh of relief.

After a while, Kanda got out of the chair and walked over to the dresser so as to pull out some clean clothes for the moyashi to wear when she woke up, only to be greeted by the sight of underwear.

"PERV!"

And he was hit in the face by a pillow.

Today was so not his day.

* * *

"Hello, Lavi!"

"Hello, Lenalee-chan!" Lavi said happily as he walked into the Science Department.

"Watch out, Lavi-san!"

"Watch out?"

"Behind you!"

Lavi quickly sidestepped the pile of falling documents, and shivered as an overly depressed mood fell over the Science Department.

"Wh-what's wrong?" Lavi asked, scared by the looks on everyone's faces.

"Komui's been worse than normal," Reever said in a detached tone as he walked up to Lavi in order to pick up the fallen papers.

"Is that even possible?" Lavi asked in a disbelieving tone as he bent down in order to help the poor man pick up the papers.

"Lavi-kun?"

Lavi looked up, only to find a mission packet being shoved in his face by Komui.

"H-hai?"

"Here's your mission. You can read about it on the train ride over. You and Lenalee are to depart in fifteen minutes so pack up whatever you need and be at the dock on time. Now, goodbye."

Lavi stared in disbelief as the wooden doors slammed shut in front of him. "Guess it's possible," he muttered to himself as he started to walk in the direction of his bedroom.

After repacking his bag with fresh clothes, Lavi sat down on his bed and skimmed the mission summary. According to the summary, there was a rapidly enlarging number of akuma in England amongst the nobility. This was causing problems as the old King had just died, and his only relative, a nephew at the age of 20 whose name was Philip Carlisle, was yet to be placed on the throne.

He and Lenalee were supposed to go fix the akuma problem, and help make sure that Crown Prince Philip made it onto the throne; otherwise civil war might break out and cause even more akuma.

Lavi was shoving the folder into his backpack when a though suddenly occurred to him. He quickly pulled the folder back out and skimmed the page until he found what he was looking for.

Philip Carlisle.

Carlisle was Allen's real last name.

Lavi quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and quickly scribbled something onto it. He folded the piece of paper up and grabbed his backpack before making his way out of his room and down the hall towards Kanda's. He slid the piece of paper under the door, knowing that he did not need to worry about anyone else reading it since everyone feared Kanda's deadly blade, himself included.

Lavi glanced at nearby clock and started running, realizing that he only had three minutes to make it down forty flights of stairs. Normally he would just take his time, but Komui had been acting strange so who knew how he would react to Lavi's tardiness?

"Oh, Lavi-kun, why are you so out of breath?"

Lavi looked up from his doubled over position and realized that the stupid man wasn't even present to send the exorcists off like he normally was. Lavi groaned at how unlucky he was.

"Lavi-kun, are you all right?"

"Just peachy," Lavi said, sarcasm easily detected in his voice. "Well," he said as he stood up, a smile on his face, "should we get going now? After all, we don't want to miss our train."


	5. Chapter 5

**As It Fell Apart**

* * *

"Come again?"

Komui sighed and poured himself another cup of coffee before repeating the sentence that he knew would probably place him on Kanda's hit list, "I want you to keep an eye on Allen-kun until he fully recovers from the coma he's in."

Komui sighed again as Kanda's eyes narrowed into a death glare, and took another sip of coffee from his bunny mug. He grimaced at the coffee before placing the mug back down on his desk. No one was able to make coffee the way that Lenalee could. He was sure that he was not the only person in the Science Department that dreamed about Lenalee's coffee each night when she was off on a mission. Well maybe he was, for it seemed like he was the only person who seemed to get any sleep…

Komui glanced up from his mug and swallowed nervously as he realized that he was staring down Mugen's sharp edge into Kanda's smoldering glare. He unconsciously took a step back towards the bookshelf behind him, glad that there was a nice, sturdy desk between him and the furious exorcist.

"Why do I have to take care of the damn beansprout?"

"Because there's no one else that we can spare at the moment."

"What about that creepy ass nurse?"

"She's helping a member of the Science Department select nurses, and the assistant nurse has her hands full taking care of all the injured finders we have at the moment. Besides, it's about time that you had a break."

"Since when did exorcists get breaks?"

"Since I decided that we needed someone to look after Allen-kun."

As the temperature suddenly dropped 30 degrees Komui felt along the bookshelf behind him for a thick book with which he could defend himself if Kanda decided to attack. They stood there for what seemed like eternity to Komui but what was only really ten seconds before Kanda angrily placed Mugen back in its sheath and stormed out of the room while muttering something inappropriate for children's ears, slamming the door behind him on his way out of the cluttered room.

'Well,' Komui thought as he settled back into his chair and raised his favorite mug to his lips, 'that didn't go as badly as I feared it might... We really need to get better coffee than this.'

* * *

Prince Philip shrugged off the heavy cape and draped it on the chair in front of him before dragging himself across the room and flopping himself down on the bed. He kicked his boots off his feet, not caring that such a motion was rather childish for a twenty-year-old and rather un-princely as they dropped to the ground by the side of his bed.

He rolled over so that he was facing the ceiling, a complicated design consisting of twists and turns that never seemed to end, blues, black, and white. Over the years it had come to represent to him the complex realm called nobility. The deceit, unseen alliances, and total chaos, when one's true colors constantly shifted and true loyalty was hard to come by.

Philip rolled over again so that he was facing the picture of his family that was placed on his bedside table. In it were four very happy looking people, and all elegantly dressed. The older two were sitting in chairs and were obviously husband and wife. Standing next to them were two boys, one a couple years older than the other. They had both received their father's green eyes, but the younger one had his mother's red hair while the older one had his father's platinum blond hair. Philip stared at the younger boy for a second, studying the strawberry-blonde hair and the emerald green eyes. He then turned his eyes briefly to the older boy before getting up off the bed and heading over to the mirror over his desk.

Over the years strands of his hair had become more golden, causing a somewhat messy look. His eyes had become duller of the past couple of years, the light of excitement disappearing due to the confining atmosphere of being a full member of the royal court. He wondered if Charles's eyes had become darker over the years, if he was out there alone as well.

Philip finally looked away from the mirror and reached down to open the bottom left drawer of his desk. He carefully removed the false bottom he had made himself, and took out his most treasured possession.

It was a picture, and in it was a young girl, around three years old, with long, gold hair and the same emerald green eyes of her older brothers. Her smile was contagious and Philip soon found himself smiling at the picture of his younger sister. He remembered the happier days, when he, Charles, and Adela were free to roam around the palace as they pleased. They were all happy back then, and each of them could never imagine a life without their siblings.

And now he was alone. Charles and Adela were both thought to be dead, and now even the hardly bearable presence of his parents was gone from the house.

Philip was shaken from his reverie by the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. He had just closed the drawer when someone knocked on his door. Quickly making himself presentable Philip cleared his voice and said, "Come in!"

The door opened quietly and a butler stepped into the room, bowing he said, "Sir, the exorcists have arrived."

Philip sighed, his hopes of a peaceful afternoon ruined, and stood up. The butler crossed the room quickly so as to help Philip put on his cape, but Philip waved him off. He slid on his boots, and once he was done he waved for the butler to show him the way. An amused smirk came across his face as he took in the butler's look of disapproval over his appearance, glad that he had managed to make the old geezer angry. He did not want to become a fool like his father who had been to concerned about how he appeared to others to care about what was truly important. No, he was going to be himself, he was going to be the black sheep of the royalty, and all of those stuck up aristocrats who wanted another proper fool to sit on the throne, could go ahead and die when he receives the crown for all he cares.

* * *

"Lenalee?"

"Yes?"

"Have we ever had a mission in London before?"

"No, I believe this is the first time we have ever been to a capital city in any country. Usually our jobs take place in the countryside. I wonder why that is?"

Lavi shrugged in response and continued to glance at his surroundings. '_Why does this all seem so familiar?'_ he wondered as he sidestepped a puddle. '_This city and the name Carlisle, why do they give me a sense of déjà vu?_'

_GROWL_

"… Lavi, do you want to get something to eat?"

"Yeah, sorry Leenalee-chan," Lavi said as he scratched his head.

"It's okay. After all, we still have a hour until we need to be at the palace."

* * *

He felt his mind go numb as he leaned forward, his hands about to crush the arms of the chair. The fire… the emerald…!

"… Charles?"

Lavi continued to let his eyes absorb the sight of the throne room. It was an extremely long and tall room. The distance from the door to the far wall was probably fifty meters. There was a red, velvet carpet spread out over the white marble floor between the two walls. The ceiling was at least twenty feel high, and was supported by white marble columns engraved with gold vines. The ceiling depicted various scenes from the nation's history, and Lavi decided that before he left London, he needed to examine the paintings.

Lenalee, noticing the look the crowned prince was giving Lavi and Lavi's wandering mind, gave the redhead a kick behind the knees, eliciting a curse which caused the other nobles to gasp in shock.

"What the hell was that for?" Lavi asked, irked that the female exorcist was keeping him from fulfilling his role as the Bookman's apprentice. Lenalee just nodded towards the crowned prince who – Lavi suddenly realized – was staring at him intently. Lavi returned the gesture. Something about him just seemed _so_ familiar…

"Charles?" Philip repeated. Lavi noticed the hope that laced Philip's voice, and for some reason he felt very sad when he said, "I'm sorry. I have many names, but I don't believe that Charles is one of them."

Philip sighed and leaned back into the throne. "I'm sorry," he said to the redhead. "You just remind me of someone who has been missing for a long time."

"It's no problem," Lavi reassured him.

There was a moment of silence as the two young men continued to look each other over. Eventually Lenalee gave a little _Ahem_, and began the introductions. "I am Lenalee Lee, and this is Lavi. We are exorcists sent by the Vatican to make sure that nothing happens to you before you are crowned King."

"I hope the Roman Catholic Church understands that our nation whishes to remain Protestant," Philip said, a dangerous tone in his voice.

"I don't know about that," Lavi said, earning him a look from Philip, "but the Vatican's wishes are generally no concern of ours. The Black Order tends to operate by itself."

Philip sighed once again and brushed a hand through his hair. "Well, for the time being at least, welcome to Worrick Castle."

* * *

**AN:** I'm sooooo sorry for the long delay! I do have a legitimate excuse but it sounds pathetic so I'm not going to say it. Anyways, I hope that you enjoyed it and that it wasn't too terrible. So please, R&R!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I changed the first three chapters so that it was Lavi instead of Rabi. I also noticed that in chapter four I wrote William instead of Charles, so I decided to change it to Charles. I've also realized that despite my efforts, the disclaimer never says what is supposed to. So just know that I do not own the characters that are not my own, as well as the pieces of the plot that are not mine. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**As It Fell Apart**

* * *

"I refuse."

"Stop being a pain in the ass."

"I refuse to eat anything that does not come directly from Jerry."

"Just eat the bloody porridge."

"No. You probably put something in there that will stunt my growth."

"You don't need my help for that, moyashi."

"The name's Allen!"

"You sure about that?"

"Of course, you idiot."

"What kind of parent would name their daughter Allen?"

"Mana was a better parent than my parents could ever be!"

"Kanda looked at the small girl in front of him and sighed.

"Just eat the goddamn porridge."

* * *

Lavi waited as the butler fit the key into the lock of his new room. When the lock tumbled and the door swung open, Lavi quickly gave his thanks before walking inside.

The room seemed somewhat familiar, but he could not figure out why. There was no way that he could have stayed in a room this nice before. The Bookman does not have much in terms of money, so they usually stay at cheap inns.

Lavi walked over to the wardrobe and opened it up. While he found what he was looking for (his extra uniform), he also found a lot that he was not looking for.

He heard a knock at the door and turned around to see Philip entering the room. "What's this?" Lavi asked Philip, gesturing at the clothes behind him.

"Well, when your superior, Komui I believe his name was, wrote to tell me that you would be attending college with me, I figured that you might want some clothes of your own. My family has worked with the Black Order before, so I know that you exorcists do not have much in the way of clothes."

Lavi could not help but stare at the clothes with wonder, causing Philip to laugh. "Are there girls at this college of yours?"

"Yes."

"Am I in Heaven?"

"Not that I am aware of."

Lavi was really happy. _Girls!_ But then everything came crashing down around him.

"Did you say that Lenalee-chan and I would be attending college?"

"Yes."

"As students?"

"Yes."

Lavi groaned and fell to his knees. "Why can't I ever get away from books?"

Philip stared at Lavi as he continued to sit miserably on the ground. He could not help but compare the young man to Charles. Everything about him screamed Charles. Whenever he had imagined what Charles would look like now, he looked like Lavi.

"Pardon?" Philip apologized when he realized that Lavi was talking to him.

"I asked if you have any siblings."

"Not anymore." '_Or at least everyone else thinks so_,' Philip thought.

"I am sorry."

"Don't be." Philip sighed. "I still believe that they are alive. In fact, I had mistaken you for my younger brother Charles when I first saw you."

"Oh. Pardon my asking… but do you have a sister?" Lavi noticed that Philip looked shocked, but shrugged it off.

"Yes, although not many people know about her. My parents claimed that she died when she was very young. The truth is that they threw her out on the streets because they thought that she was a disgrace to the house."

Lavi swallowed past the lump that had formed in his throat, and forced himself to ask his next question. "What is her name?"

"Adela Elizabeth Carlisle."

Laci felt like he could not breathe. There was no doubt in his mind that Allen was Philip's younger sister. For some reason he just knew it. The Bookman had told him to never trust his gut, but rather knowledge; however, his time as an exorcist had taught him that sometimes it is better to follow your instinct. This was one of those times.

Lavi heard Philip asking if he was all right, but ignored him for the moment as he continued to let his thoughts flow. Philip thought that he was his missing younger brother. When he and Kanda had figured out Allen's true identity, she had requested his permission to call him onii-san. Allen clearly had memories of her life before Mana, while Lavi could not remember anything before Bookman took him in. And there was that hint of sadness whenever she looked at him….

"How old would your brother be now?"

"Eighteen. Lavi?"

"I think I'm going to be sick."

* * *

I'll _never_ admit this out loud, but Kanda is beautiful when he practices. Sure the sword is beautiful, the way it glides through the air as Kanda moves from one move to the next, but it's hard to concentrate on the sword when Kanda is the one wielding it. The way the wind blows the loose strands in front of his face, the way his muscles tense and relax, the way his feet move across the ground as if he were dancing….

Whenever I see Kanda practice, I always wish that I could storm up to Komui's Office and reveal my big dark secret to everyone so that I could act like a girl around Kanda and not be considered gay. Now that Kanda and Lavi know I am a girl, the temptation is harder to resist. No that Kanda knows I am a girl, I want him to see me as a girl, and so far, I don't think that has happened.

So why haven't I run upstairs and exposed myself to the rest of the Order? It's because of that goddamn attitude of his.

"Oi, moyashi!"

"What?"

"Come over here for a second."

I slowly stand up and walk over to him, careful to keep my eyes off of his chest. I stop a couple of meters in front of him and look up into is face. "Yes?"

"You new form, Crowned Clown, it has swords right?"

"Yes," I answer with surprise. I had regained my innocence just before our last mission, and I was shocked that Kanda knew what it looked like since I have not used it in front of him yet.

"Then you need to know how to handle a sword properly. Here," he said, forcing a practice sword into my hands. "Show me how you would hold this."

I almost dropped the sword in my haste to grip it properly. When I stopped, Kanda sighed and started to walk past me. I felt my heart drop and started to lower my arms when his hands gripped mine from behind. All I could focus on was the heat of his body, his breath as it blew past my ear, his rough callused hands on mine as he rearranged them to his liking.

"Are you okay?"

I stumbled back in shock, and felt like I would faint when I felt his bare chest against my back. "Just tired," I managed to mumble before I forgot his question.

He sighed and took a step back, releasing my hands before grabbing the practice sword. "Let's get you back to your room before you fall asleep on me. I don't want to have to carry you back. You're surprisingly heavy."

"Am not!" I shouted at his retreating figure.

I almost wanted to cry.


End file.
